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<title>The Goldilocks Vacation Conundrum by Fangirlshrewt97</title>
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<h1><a href="https://archiveofourown.org/works/25314952">The Goldilocks Vacation Conundrum</a> by <a class='authorlink' href='https://archiveofourown.org/users/Fangirlshrewt97/pseuds/Fangirlshrewt97'>Fangirlshrewt97</a></h1>

<table class="full">

<tr><td><b>Category:</b></td><td>Doctor Who &amp; Related Fandoms, Doctor Who (2005)</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Genre:</b></td><td>Banned Together Bingo 2020, Crack, Fluff and Crack, Gen, My First Work in This Fandom, Poor Graham keeps falling because of the Doctor’s poor TARDIS parking skills, Post Season 10, Prompt: Alien Weathermen, The Doctor does not know how to pick human appropriate vacation spots</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Language:</b></td><td>English</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Status:</b></td><td>Completed</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Published:</b></td><td>2020-07-16</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Updated:</b></td><td>2020-07-16</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Packaged:</b></td><td>2021-05-05 02:40:13</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Rating:</b></td><td>General Audiences</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Warnings:</b></td><td>No Archive Warnings Apply</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Chapters:</b></td><td>1</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Words:</b></td><td>1,997</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Publisher:</b></td><td>archiveofourown.org</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Story URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/works/25314952</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Author URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/users/Fangirlshrewt97/pseuds/Fangirlshrewt97</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Summary:</b></td><td><div class="userstuff">
              <p>Essentially, a semi-crack-ish fic where the Doctor tries to suggest vacation spots to her companions, and misses the mark. Until she gets it right. <br/>After all, third time is the charm.</p>
<p>Excerpt: <br/>The Doctor swiped through a few more potential vacation spots, this time, Ryan joining them. There were several that caught the eyes of the crew, but each time that Graham asked for the dangers, there was always one.<br/>Tentacle monsters, giant crabs, Multiple-headed monsters, noxious gas, acid-spitting monsters, poisonous fruits, monsters with giant horns, unfriendly natives, evil tyrannical rulers that were wary of tourists. What was with all the monsters, honestly?<br/>By the end, Ryan and Yaz had joined back on the steps with the Doctor standing in front of them.</p>
<p>Banned Together Bingo Submission, Prompt: Alien Weathermen</p>
            </div></td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Comments:</b></td><td>8</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Kudos:</b></td><td>9</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Collections:</b></td><td>Banned Banned Together Bingo 2020, Banned Together Bingo 2020</td></tr>

</table>

<a name="section0001"><h2>The Goldilocks Vacation Conundrum</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Author's Note:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
      <p>Dear reader,</p>
<p>Ok, to be honest, when I got this prompt, the only fandom I could think of to write for was this one, but even then, I couldn't think of a plot. This might be very crack-ish, or very in character. Up to you guys to decide. <br/>I hope you like the story, and if you do please let me know through kudos or comments (one word, keyboard smashes, or favorite lines all welcome)!</p>
<p>None of these characters belong to me, I am just borrowing them temporarily.</p>
<p>Thank you and enjoy the story</p>
<p>Fangirlshrewt97</p>
    </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>The TARDIS fam were sitting on the steps next to the central console waiting for the Doctor to return. She had said she would only be a moment and for them to stay.</p>
<p>
  <em>“I just need to grab this one thing from a friend, I’ll be back before you know it. No need for you to follow me!” she had said, bouncing around the console as the TARDIS landed on another planet, nearly sending Graham to the floor from the abrupt stop. </em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>“But doc-” Graham had started to protest only for her to already be halfway out the door, coat in one hand, and an extremely long rainbow scarf in the other.</em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>“Five minutes at most. Just wait here!” was all the humans heard before the door swung shut. </em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>Graham sighed. “Well that is not going to happen.”</em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>“Who wants to bet she will get stuck on an adventure?” Ryan had asked, mischievous glint in his eyes.</em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>Yaz barked a laugh. “What kind of a naive idiot do you take me for Ryan? The bet should be the kind of adventure she goes on. My guess is tentacle monster.”</em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>“You’re on, I think it is alien species that wants to conquer the planet.” </em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>“Ohhhh, good one, damn I want to change my bet.”</em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>“No way too late!”</em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>“Graham, what about you?”</em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>“I don’t know about the doctor, but personally, I am going for an adventure to the kitchen. I want tea.” Graham had said, waiving off the groans from the other two. He did press the pedal to get a creamy custard biscuit as he walked by though. </em>
</p>
<p>That had been almost four hours ago. In the meantime, Graham had had his tea and biscuits, finished his book, taken a small nap, and wound up back in the console room, playing poker with Yaz and Ryan. The younger two members of the ship had tried to venture out of the ship, only to find they were parked at the top of a very steep cliff with no houses or identifiable signs of civilization in sight. And rather than risking getting lost, had ventured back into the ship.</p>
<p>Graham was chuckling as he won the hand for the fifth time in the row, collecting the candy they were using as betting markers when the Doctor burst into the room, tracking mud throughout the entrance as loud bird screeching followed her. She quickly barricaded the door with the bar she kept next to the door and ventured inside.</p>
<p>“Well fam, sorry for the delay, but I see you kept yourselves entertained.”</p>
<p>“Say doc, have you ever actually run an errand where things didn’t go tits up?” Graham asked as he opened one of the mints from his winnings. From the corner of his eye, he saw Yaz passing some money to Ryan.</p>
<p>“I resent the implications Graham, I will have you know I have had plenty of successful errands where nothing went wrong.”</p>
<p>At the silence from the three humans, she looked up from she was fiddling with the console controls again. “I have!”</p>
<p>Graham scoffed as Yaz made an empathetic noise and Ryan rolled his eyes fondly.</p>
<p>“Sure you have Doctor.” Ryan said as he stood up.</p>
<p>The Doctor’s comeback was interrupted by a piercing cry and the distinct sound of claws (or talons) against wood.</p>
<p>“Whoopsie, looks like we have overstayed our welcome!” The Doctor said before pulling down the lever. The trio of humans just managed to brace themselves before the ship took off, shaking like a teacup during an earthquake.</p>
<p>After a couple more minutes, the wheezing sound faded as the ship managed to land somewhere.</p>
<p>“Hey Doctor, where are we?” Yaz as as she peered into one of the monitors on the console. It was still displaying that odd (but beautiful) circular writing the Doctor had called Gallifreyan, but she could also make out a landscape. It was a flat field, with what looked like medium height grasses (green), under a clear sky (purple, which weird but cool), and a scattering of trees that almost resembled pine trees but had normal leaves.</p>
<p>“Ah, thanks for asking Yaz! Welcome to Brosha, in the Aresa galaxy. I figured I owed you guys a proper vacation, and this place has the best food this side of the Andromeda galaxy made from corn. Well, it is actually eir but tastes very similar to Earth’s corn. Looks similar too!”</p>
<p>The three humans were not looking at her as impressed as she was hoping. Her smiled dimmed a bit. “No?”</p>
<p>Ryan answered. “Doctor, that is really nice of you, but none of us are really big fans of corn. Also you are hiding something from us.”</p>
<p>“No I am not.”</p>
<p>Yaz chuckled. “Yes you are. You have a tell.”</p>
<p>“I do not!”</p>
<p>“You do too!”</p>
<p>“I do not!”</p>
<p>“You do too!”</p>
<p>“I-”</p>
<p>Graham cut off the childish squabbling. Honestly one was an officer of the law, and the other was a two thousand year old alien. It was undignified. “Alright enough. Doc, this sounds nice, but what’s the catch?”</p>
<p>“There are, rarely, every once in a while, stampedes of these huge moose like things. But honestly the chances of that happening while we are there are-”</p>
<p>“Sky high. Doc, we tend to always be around for the once in a blue moon situations. How about elsewhere?” Yaz said gently.</p>
<p>The Doctor pouted, but turned and fiddled with her monitor before brightening.</p>
<p>“Oh, I got one. What about Brakem in the Uccas galaxy? Hot springs filled with healing crystals, soaps and scents from around the universe. Never really rains, two suns, three moons. Gorgeous orange skies.”</p>
<p>“And?” Ryan asked, a wicked smirk on his face.</p>
<p>“Doc, this would be easier if you just mentioned the catch too.” Graham added.</p>
<p>“Average temperatures outside of the resorts are about 40℃.”</p>
<p>No way in hell. Mainly cause it sounded to be about the same temperature. “Next option Doc.”</p>
<p>The Doctor whined but looked at her monitor again. Graham went to sit on the stairs, he had a feeling they’d be there for a while.</p>
<p>“Ok, fine. How about, um, no not that one, ooh that would be, no nevermind, oh! No.” The Doctor muttered as she swiped at her monitor. Yaz went to stand beside her, watching her flick past some amazing landscapes. One in particular caught her eye, and she must have a sound because the Doctor looked at her. “Yaz?”</p>
<p>“What’s that?”</p>
<p>“This one? This is Chebara.” On the screen was a massive lake, extending seemingly to the horizon. The sky was so purple, but so clear she could almost make out stars and other planets in the photo. To one side of the lake she could see a massive hill rising from the ground, clouds covering it from about midway. In the middle of the lake, giant trees that seemed to be floating?</p>
<p>“Are those trees floating?”</p>
<p>“Oh yes, they are Ubal trees, their fruits produce dyes that don’t fade even after a thousand years. Very valuable.” The Doctor explained, glee filling her eyes again.</p>
<p>“Is it safe?” Graham asked. He loved the Doctor, but safety somehow never made it into the woman’s priority list.</p>
<p>“Graham, where is the fun in that?” The Doctor asked, only to be met with a raised eyebrow that would not be swayed. She sighed. “There is a small chance we may encounter the giant alligator-hippos that inhabit the lake.”</p>
<p>“No.”</p>
<p>“But Yaz wants to go!” the Doctor protested.</p>
<p>“Actually Doctor, I think just the photos might be enough. We have had so many adventures, and I would really like a vacation before we head back to the fray.” Yaz said, apologetic.</p>
<p>The Doctor’s shoulders slumped. “Back to the drawing board then.”</p>
<p>The Doctor swiped through a few more potential vacation spots, this time, Ryan joining them. There were several that caught the eyes of the crew, but each time that Graham asked for the dangers, there was always one.</p>
<p>Tentacle monsters, giant crabs, Multiple-headed monsters, noxious gas, acid-spitting monsters, poisonous fruits, monsters with giant horns, unfriendly natives, evil tyrannical rulers that were wary of tourists. What was with all the monsters, honestly?</p>
<p>By the end, Ryan and Yaz had joined back on the steps with the Doctor standing in front of them.</p>
<p>“Guys come on, I promise, the vacation will be fine, I’m sure the bad things won’t happen, they are all statistically very unlikely.”</p>
<p>Graham stood up and walked to the Doctor, laying a sympathetic hand on her forearm. “Doctor, I am sure you have noticed, but let me point it out again. We are kind of one-in-a-million central here. All I want is someplace to put my feet up, a nice cuppa, maybe a chance to tan.” Graham said. Beside him, Yaz and Ryan nodded in agreement.</p>
<p>The Doctor stood in front of the three humans, arms crossed, and cheeks puffed out like a squirrel. Yaz internally squealed at how adorable this couple thousand year old alien could be.</p>
<p>The Doctor tapped out a distracted pattern on her forearm before brightening. “I know the perfect place!” she said.</p>
<p>And then, without waiting for the companion’s response she went back to the console and pressed a few buttons before pulling the lever.</p>
<p>The TARDIS’s wheezing sound was heard before the ship rattled and transported. Graham, who had been standing on the stairs still fell hard on his butt. Ryan and Yaz managed to stumble forward and brace themselves on the console.</p>
<p>“Ow Doc, a couple more rough landings, and you are going to owe me a new hip!” Graham complained as he rubbed the small of his back. Ryan came to his side, helping his sit up against one of the columns around the console.</p>
<p>“Sorry about that Graham! I just thought of the perfect place for a lovely holiday, and wanted to get us there ASAP!”</p>
<p>Ryan and Yaz exchanged glances before looking at her hesitantly. “So…”</p>
<p>“Where are we?”</p>
<p>If possible, the Doctor’s grin got even wider, her eyes alight with delight. “My lovely fam, welcome to Earth, third planet in the solar system, in the outskirts of the Milky Way galaxy. We are in present day Sheffield, the temperature is a pleasant 23℃, there is a humidity of 65%, and chance of rain is 7%!” The Doctor said as she clapped her hands once in delight. Ryan shook his head at the antics of the Time Lord and began to chuckle.Yaz started to giggle before the Doctor waggled her eyebrows at her, at which point she burst out laughing, using the console edge to keep from falling over. Even Graham had a grin on his face as he continued to rub his back. He used the column to brace himself and got up.</p>
<p>“How long will we be staying then doc?”</p>
<p>The Doctor swayed back and forth on her toes and heels. “Up to you guys. How long do you want to stay?”</p>
<p>“Wait, you are staying too right?” Yaz said, squinting at the Time Lord.</p>
<p>The Doctor brought up her hands in surrender. “I’ve got a whole universe Yaz!”</p>
<p>“And I’ve got a spare room with your name on it. Come on, just stay. I know we don’t have crystal pools or floating trees, but Charlie’s pub down the block serves some of the best falafels in the country.”</p>
<p>The Doctor bit her lip, but looking at the hopeful faces of her companions, she gave a single nod.</p>
<p>“Alright, why not.”</p>
<p>She turned and pressed a couple buttons, dimming the lights of the main area of the TARDIS. “There, she is in hibernation. Let’s go enjoy Sheffield.”</p>
<p>With a cheer from the humans, the Doctor let herself be led outside by her fam. Yaz dragging her by the wrist as Ryan lightly pushed her from the back, with Graham closing the ship doors behind himself.</p>
<p>Sometimes, the best vacation from a life traveling was a little bit of home.</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Author's Note:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>If you liked the story, let me know either through kudos, comments, or both!<br/>You can find me at fangirlshrewt97.tumblr.com!</p></blockquote></div></div>
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